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Yoshiki
Interview from Perfect Best
1999.XX.XX
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i = Interviewer
(from Fool's Mate) |
y = Yoshiki |
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Interview from CD 3 of X Japan Perfect Best.
The translation may sound a bit strange and I
think there are a lot of mistakes but it was first translated from Japanese
into German by neph:thyz and then into English... |
i. I think X was
something special for you and that it's difficult to tell in a few
words what you feel when you look back, but maybe a year after the
disbanding of X you can tell us what it means to you when you are
looking back.
y. Hm, what can I say, it was a life and it was the best I did so
far. I met a lot if people, the members of X and also the staff and
so on... and above all... it was possible to meet the fans... now,
really, I'm proud of what I did in that time. Yes.
i. You are grateful for what you could see in that time, and on the
other hand the fans, including me, are grateful that we could meet
you, a totally different rock band, who made us think about life.
And it was interesting and we really wanted to follow you the whole
time, but we were asking ourselves where your energy as the man in
the center came from.
y. Hm, what could that be? I think that we didn't do more than to
care about the life of everybody (the fans and so on) and we
destroyed a lot didn't we? Hm, yes, I like that... to destroy
everything and such...
i. You've had the imagination that there is nothing that you can't
do and you've denied that there is anything that lies beyond your
power.
y. Yes.
i. At that time you've started very suddenly... now we see not much
from the present work of the 'new' Yoshiki... can we talk a little
bit about this point?
y. It was a hard time for me and there was also hide's death. I was
sad about that, I was just sad. I didn't want to talk about it and
even when I looked at pictures of hide tears came running down my
face and I couldn't listen to songs of X and of course not to songs
of hide and I wasn't able to talk about it. I couldn't think of it.
But I live from the music and with the music, in that time I talked
a lot about producing, about things I couldn't do in my present
condition. I thought about how I could promote all this people and
made recordings... but did I get a great distance to myself? For me
everything started with X... I want to think of the future and when
I look back... I had a wonderful time, but it's over now. Well I had
a lot of dreams back then. Yes, dreams and determination it seems to
me... but I didn't think of such an end of the story. Well... above
all about hide... If I didn't take hide into the band, if he weren't
with me maybe he would be still alive now? It's not good to think
that way but it comes always into my mind and I don't think forward,
myself... well... I have the intention not to go back to the public,
I've thought a lot about it. It's difficult and...well, they've told
me that I have to come over it, but...somehow I'm torn up inside.
With my mind I can keep control but my feelings are different and my
heart tells me something else... and... about producing... I don't
think that I have the time... there are so many things...
i. And also to forget everything...
y. Yes. I started a literary activity and also produced bands. Also
that is now my great effort... I think the time has come not only to
think of myself but... well... when I came back to Japan this time
and saw my friends again... well... "I have to pull myself
together", that's what I thought. It's hard for me, but I
pretended to be very tough. Yet I certainly was weak... and...
well... back then I said it often, but no matter what time it was,
it was only 1%, that is just a bit fear the self-confidence has won
about the fear. This time I seem to have lost against the weakness.
Actually it's not really fear, it's rather sadness. I can't put it
into works, "I give up"... and... well... there's also the
thing with Toshi... I was the whole time in America so I heard it
only from other people but it's really sad... well... he was a
friend from childhood, we've been together since the age of 5, he is
a kind and sincere person. Well... t was certainly difficult for him
to be a member of X. I don't understand in totally, but I'm asking
myself if it wasn't hard to be my vocalist.
i. Because from the beginning you went to the limits of the
possibilities...
y. Maybe it was that way. Because I like it to go to my limits...
And I've made everybody live that way... I got used to a very
strange working style and speed... but I didn't expect such an end.
The shock was too much.
i. At the the final show at the Tokyo Dome you've played at the end
"Unfinished..." as the second encore. When I heard this I
was sure that you are going to write the next chapter of your
story...
y. It looked that way. Before disbanding I thought about it, I said
something like "I don't care". The band disbanded and what
could I have done?... and so on... no, I don't know how to go on...
when we made that show in Tokyo Dome and I heard the voices of the
fans and really stood there on the stage I wanted to carry on, I
thought that I can't give up... but after that a lot happend and...
somehow... well... it's totally strange but when I started to think
about it... "I want to do my best" and that way... the
next moment it was "It's too late, I'm no good" and
"I can't do it"... I was totally confused. I thought
negative about everything and was totally confused. My mind, of
course, my mind told me to look forward and that life goes on. I
realize that now, but then...
i. But inside you the uncertainty grew and the situation turned to
the opposite? It's like a great turn to the opposite...
y. Well... there's no 2nd time... in this interview... this time...
because in the first interviews I couldn't talk about it... Now I
can talk about it. I can look forward. But when it happened with
hide, I was so full of mourning...but I didn't understand what was
going on with me. Somehow I didn't realized it fully. Somehow I was
under a shock and I realized nothing. But first I thought "What
can I do for the fans? What can I do now?". When I heard this
voices... well... "I have to do something" and that way...
but first there were days when I couldn't do anything... in that
moment, in that time. When I went back to Los Angeles and found some
peace and thought aobut it in silence, I became unbelievable sad. I
was afraid to give interviews and all that...
i. I think that the music of X helps the fans a lot. I believe that
this music gives strength to the young people that suffer from sad
events, that have problems with the society, with school, parents
and so on, it teaches them a lot and makes them realising things.
y. Yes.
i. And you have a strong image so that you can give strength to the
people through your music.
y. That's really nice of you to say this... that I can give strength
with my music, that I can encourage people... but it's not about the
concert to honour hide... I really had to do something then, I had
to do something with all my power, to go forward, but in reality
nobody understood what I was saying... in reality... wasn't I in
Japan for a while in that time? It was hard for me to see hide on
tv... that's why I couldn't do anything... but I thought I had to do
something, anything but I didn't know what. Well, I postphoned
appointments for some time, this time I let more time go by but I
still came with a huge feeling of fear back to Umeda (?)... this
time I thought... when I saw all the hide-calendars and stuff in the
city, again I couldn't understand it... It was the feeling we could
bring everything back to life again... I think that is really
selfish but... my mind still hasn't realized everything... what I
said or didn't say, I let my pride aside, I don't care when you tell
me that Yoshiki is the weakest person in Japan... but it seems
strange to me to do something only because of pride or commitment...
so when I can give home or dreams with what I say... so it seems to
me... but I don't understand it now. May I really not give up?
i. No, of course you must not give up... but you surely have chosen
the way of a producer and songwriter because you are a person that
creates things and also to forget everything. You surely can use
this for yourself and then come back to the public.
y. Well, I like music and even when I don't show up in the public
during the next time I think I will carry on writing songs... yes...
t's good when I become a composer, becoming a producer is also
okay... that's how I think now, but...well I love music and I
couldn't imagine an other life until now. I was afraid and couldn't
talk about all this... I couldn't talk about it because of
sadness... it could be that now it is right to take all my strength
together and go back to work.
i. Absolutely.
y. But I want some time...
i. We will wait for you always... I'm sure everyone thinks so. The
people that can believe because of Yoshiki and X will understand
you.
y. Well... thank you for your words...
i. When we can express that we believe sincerely what you think,
then it can't be the first watering (?) but when it grows bigger and
bigger then I'm sure we will know and it could be that it bacomes so
big that you can go forward like in former times.
y. Ah, yes.
i. We all will wait for you.
y. Ah, yes... I have to give my best, do I?
i. Please give your best.
y. Yes. |
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ThanX:
xjapan.de, neph:thyz
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