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doko ni yukeba ii
anata to hanarete
ima wa sugisatta toki ni toikakete
naga sugita yoru ni tabidachi o yume mita
ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoku o dakishimeta
from "TEARS"
At first, Tears was not made for X Japan. Lyric was also different
from the present one.
1993... it was in spring maybe at my house in LA. I had a meeting
about the new songs in the new album with hide. We discussed only for
the first, then soon I began to drink alcohol and dove into the pool.
We were drunk and drawned and our staff rescued us from the pool. Then
we talked by phone next day.
"Hey, what did we discuss yesterday?"
"Hm... I don't remember".
"Then let's have a meeting again".
That's our usual way.
But, at that day, hide remembered only one thing that we discussed
about.
"How about Tears?"
"Hmm?"
"Let's write a new lyric and play that song as X Japan".
"New lyric?"
I agreed with hide's suggestion. I started to write a new lyric of
Tears from the next day.
nagareru namida wo jidai no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata no toiki wo kanjite
from "TEARS"
1997, Summer
Toshi had left X Japan already. After Toshi's secession, I had been
continuing recording of X Japan because of the contract with the
recording company. That was mainly editing the Live we did. I had a
tough time to do that. I had been recollecting my life since I heard
and admitted Toshi's intention of leaving X Japan in May.
It was when we were 5 years old that we met first time. We were a
classmate of the kindergarten. Thirty years has been passed since then...
the memories with Toshi mean the memories of my own life. In that
meaning, X and X Japan was like my family. The time being with Toshi
and hide was the longest in my whole life. I could understand that
flow of time and the change of the scenery of my life in my brain, but
I couldn't understand that fact in my mind. But, still I had been
continuing recording.
"Memories" is not only the word of the past but the word of leading to
the future from the past.
"Memories" exist with time, and continue to make.
I understand "memories" as that meaning.
I experienced the contradiction of my mind and word, wound of my heart
only once in my life.
I sealed them in a word "Dream", and it still remained as it was.
It also has been supporting by the lyric which I wrote involuntarily.
Endless rain, fall on my heart kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness.
from "ENDLESS RAIN"
1997, Fall
I had a meeting with hide. That was very serious meeting about X
Japan's future, about Last Live and about Last Song...
We came to an agreement on one content soon. X Japan's temporary break
up and reunion in 2000.
"Although we may have a hard time for a while but..." saying like that,
we discussed about the songs which we would make during that period.
It was the conversation even with smile.
About Last Live
I had an objection to do Last Live. There are lots of memories with
Toshi.
I still continued recording after Toshi's secession. And the rehearsal
after that...
I didn't have any confident to endure all of them mentally.
I had doubts about putting an end only formally.
... I didn't want to be hurt any more.
I finally agreeded to do the Last Live for the sake of our fans.
Then, about the last song,
We didn't come to a conclusion.
hide put the band together for it again,
it was an intention of recording company and our management, not our
intention.
I didn't want to make Last Song... I had been denying to make Last
Song.
... I thought last song was not still necessary for X Japan.
2002, January
X Japan Film GIG
I played Endless Rain on piano. I came back to the stage after 4 years
interval, and I met fans again. Their cheering was exactly same as
before. I felt my heart becomes clean by the tears which I couldn't
restrain. Next moment, there became a full of words in my brain.
―Even if I raise many walls in the fold of my mind which depends on
memories and
touches the reality, unendurable loneliness lost the destination in
the virtual image―
―It may be alright that my heart is filled with wounds if I can feel
the beauty of the
moment in my figure dancing in DIORAMA―
―Even if I am carried away by the flow of time, I don't want to be
raised by the time―
―My mind covered with monochromatic confusion is transparent clearly
now.
I love music as human being loves human being―
All of those words are what I said in my past.
2002, February
Now I'm going to finish editing of the Last Live. It took me more than
one year.
I have been walking alone now in the world I spent as X, X Japan for
about 15 years since X Japan had broken up.
What does change after that? And what does continue as before?
The walls which I got over or destroyed as X Japan... What were those?
What did they mean?
I had been losing the real answer among many kinds of answers.
Kigatsukeba mata hitori-yoru no sora o mitsumeteru
Sukoshi-zutsu kiete yuku our memories
Kizutsuku dake kizutsuite wakatta hazu no kotae o
Doutshite mada dou ikaketeru
Owaranai ame dakishimeta yoru ga asa o mukaeru
Kokoro wa mada nureta mama
from "THE LAST SONG"
The Last Song I wrote as X Japan is the new wall which I made newly.
I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter
from "THE LAST SONG"
Morning has not come.
Although the day breaks dawn...
I stayed surrounded by the walls which I made by myself.
Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
"All existence you see before you
must be wiped out.
Dream, Reality, Memories,
and.... Yourself".
from "ART OF LIFE"
2002, March 3
The last day of editing this Film. I got one VTR. It was the last
scene of Film GIG, and I found there were full of everybody's tears and
smiles.
... I haven't walked by myself.
I'm not alone.
Rather than looking for the answer in the flow of time,
Rather than asking what's the meaning of my existence to myself,
I would like to create music.
I would like to form melodies, diving into the sea of melody which all
of my emotion plays.
Then I would like to create a new land at the place where the bridge
reaches to...
the bridge that many people's love built from the past to the future.
I would like to walk with all of you from now on
in the endless rain.
Toshi, hide, Pata, Heath, Taiji,
staff who have been supporting the member of X and X Japan,
and fans who have been supporting our heart,
I really appreciate all of you.
LOVE, YOSHIKI
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