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Toshi's
Radio Show
1997.09.23
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Toshi in Good Voice:
As you've already know, X Japan disbanded. I'll tell you what I
think about it in this program. First of all, I'll read the messages
that you have sent to me.
"The most painfull thing to me is to see the posters of X Japan
on the walls. There are some photos taken at Tokyo Dome with my
freinds too. Everyone is smiling. I've been waiting for your
revival, but everything was over at the press conference. You are
not Toshi of X Japan anymore, I regret that I didn't know anything
at all".
"Toshi, do you know that the other memebers anounced the
disband of X Japan? Why don't you say anything to us? Have you
already left the band? You are so cruel to us that you have us to
wait and leave teh band without saying anything to us. Can't we see
X Japan again? The other members saind that they're planing to give
us a fnal concert, but it must be impossible without you. Please,
Toshi, will you be on the stage again and let us see X Japan
again?"
"X Japan disbanded. I've been crying since this morning when I
knew that. You told the other members that you would leave the band
in April, but you didn't tell us. All X Japan fans are listening to
this program today. Will you tell us that you have left the band by
yourself? I want to hear it from you. I want to understand you and
accept the reality that X Japan disbanded, but it's too hard for me
now. I want you to tell us by your words. When you got married, you
told us by yourself, so please tell us about it in this program
today, otherwise I can't accept it. I, to say the truth, want you to
go back to X Japan. If you don't tell us anything, I won't be able
to hear your voice ever again. I feel pain".
There are a lot more.
Why I was not at the conference? I wasn't informed about it. I knew it by reading the newspaper on
that day. It was their decision, so it can't be helped. But, if I
could, I also wanted to attend the conference and express my
thoughts. Well, I have my radio program, anyway, so I'll tell you my
thoughts here.
It is true, that I told Yoshiki that I wanted to leave the band in
April. There were a lot of things before I decided. The decision was
not done easily. I have been thinking about it for some years. The
reason is... I have been playing with X Japan for many years, and I
devoted myself to it, but I also wanted to express my feelings and
thoughts by using my own words, so I started my solo works. I have
been doing both things. All the members agreed that we should do the
X Japan things first, and do each solo work in the spare time.
But I gradually came to feel it uncomfortable to perfectly devote
myself to X Japan. There are a lot of reasons to it concerning with
schedule or management work. I tried to make the ballance as Toshi
of X Japan and Toshi as solo, but... Of course I did my best in X
Japan; you can't play in X Japan easily, you can't face X Japan
easily; X Japan and it's music are too great and they require your
perfect devotion. I tried hard, but I couldn't.
I thought that it was not good to continue like that. I think every
memeber had the same feeling. I had a chance to talk with Yoshiki
after the Tokyo Dome concert last year. He told me what he was
planning to do with X Japan in the future. I was embarassed. I was
not sure whether I could go with him. He was so enthusiastic, and I
thought that I would not be able to play his music, X Japan's art,
with this unballanced mind.
I asked myself what I really wanted to do. If I play with X Japan, I
have to devote myself perfectly on it, otherwise it will be very
rude to the other members and the fans. I have been thinking of many
many things since then. And I finally decided that I should leave
the band if I can't devote myself on X Japan only, I wanted to be
true to myself. So I told Yoshiki that I wanted to leave the band in
April.
I want you to listen to this song now. This is the ultimate love
song of Yoshiki I think.
Forever love ~Acoustic Version~
Those who have listened to this progam since last year might know
that I have met many people and things: land, culture, nature...
etc. These things made me make my own music, I have met a lot of
people who made me think about life and death. It came to be very
important for me to live now "now" truely. I came to think
that I have no time to waste. I have to live my live without any
disguise. We don't know when we will die. To think of death is to
think of thife. These encounters made me think why I can sing, why
I'm here, and why I am what I am. I want to meet people when I want
to meet them. I want to go where I want to go anytime. Every thing
that I see, feel, touch, and hear will be on my art, though, and
life. It's very important to me recently. X Japan has prevented me
from going to these places or meeting these people.
If "Forever Love" is Yoshiki's ultimate love song, this is
my ultimate love song.
Hana ~Inochi no Mebae~
X Japan disbanded, but I still think X Japan is the greatest band in
the world. This is true. I think that to let X Japan remain the most
wonderful figure is to make it forever in my mind. I know you have
many many things to say. Most people must think 'why?'. But I have
been playing in X Japan with Yoshiki for 17 years. Yoshiki said 'It
was my life.' It was my life too. I devoted my life on it. X Japan
will remain forever in me. X Japan has made me what I am now. I
believe the things that X Japan gave me will give me a lot of things
in the future, too. I'm sorry to have made you feel pain, but the
things you have got from X Japan will surely have a great meaning in
your future and help you. There still remains the songs. The songs
of X Japan and the members will surely help you as they did before.
They will support you and me. I'm proud of X Japan and you. It's
painful now, but this pain and sorrow will surely find the way and
lead you to happiness. X Japan is forever.
The last number; this is my favorite song of X Japan.
Tears
Some people say that the members are not get togther well and that
Yoshiki and I (are mad?). I want to say that it is not true. I still
respect Yoshiki as a friend and as an artist. I respect hide, Pata,
Heath, too. We won't know what will happen. Yoshiki asked me to help
him with the last song and the last concert, if he decided to do it.
I'm ready to help him. I'm waiting for their contact.
Toshi in Good Voice.
September 23, 1997 |
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  ThanX:
xjapan.de, M.H.
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