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Disclaimer: Usually this message is only available to Japanese fee
paying members of Yoshiki Mobile. However, as no such service is
available at this point in time to worldwide Yoshiki supporters I have
translated the message into English and decided to post it up here for
everyone to see. I believe that Yoshiki would want all his fans to
understand his feelings and his struggle. So if anyone has anything
against this being here, please notify our board staff and we will
remove it. Note: My translating skills are not expert and I apologize
if its a little hard to understand in parts. -by Danny
To all the fans (1),
Its been a long time. I wonder if you are all doing ok? Right now I’m
in the studio in LA recording the drums. I know there are probably a
lot of you out there thinking ‘What, still?’, but I want to change the
digital drum loops into raw drumming now. Anyway, I’m working on the
parts for a song called [Mary Monalisa] and another one called [Angel].
We’ve finished recording the vocals now for [M] as well. It’s a tough
job because I’ve gotta play the drums in sync with the vocals, guitar
and the loops as-well. The song isn’t that heavy but playing it time
after time for the recording feels a lot like the days of [Art of Life].
I’m playing the drums really hard in order to push the sound to the
edge..and it feels like the muscles in my body are gonna explode. But
this immense tension gets to the mic and is reflected in the recording.
I’m breathing new life into the songs. I think if you listen to these
parts of the song, you all be able to feel my pain. To be honest right
now its really tough. Day by day I’m progressing little by little, and
trying my best to over come the pain and gain a sense of achievement.
And on numerous occasions I was approaching completion.. but somehow I
was dissatisfied and kept swapping and changing parts. Of course I
want it to sell, but more than that I think to myself ‘What can I
leave behind in this world when my life is over?’.. or ‘What can I
change in this world’.. and when I start to think like that, sometimes
a voice in my head says to me ‘Why do you want to do Violet UK? Do you
want to feel the pain that you felt with X Japan all over again??’.
While I’m recording these thoughts continue to keep kicking me down.
To all the fans (2),
I want to apologize for not being able to release the album on
September 22nd. First to the fans, and then the recording company, and
to everyone who had a hand in the production.. I’m truly sorry. I
should have known that I have come to a point where as proof or my
existence, ‘the pursuit of art’, or ‘the entertainment business’ (as
they say in the record industry) simply can’t explain.. Then why??....
I myself don’t even know.. I just want more time. I can really feel
deep inside that I’m approaching the stage where I’ll be able to make
it the absolute best it can be. To all the fans, please forgive me. I
understand your feelings so much it hurts. My heart really hurts.
These past months I’ve spent non-stop recording. And when I finally
open the studio door, there’s a line of staff waiting there. Good or
bad, I’m always surrounded by business people. On the hand I think not
even the staff can prepare to promote Violet UK’s sound or.. I wonder
how much they’re thinking about my dream that I never achieved with X
J, debuting worldwide?.. If not shall I start alone? No, I don’t have
enough time to be consistent…No, its because I written out an accurate
plan so the staff can’t give me any suggestions…ahh I wonder if the
preparations are ready? etc.. I think about all these things in
between each sound while I’m recording.
I don’t know how to put it into words, but there has been this wall.
As I kept doing music there was always a wall of isolation to the
outside. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the confinement of the studio or
somewhere else, this wall has always existed. But now I feel like I’m
breaking down that wall. No matter what happened there was this wall
that would protect me. I truly believe now that all the fans and
people who have believed in my music have been pushing that wall for
me. I thought I’d keep on breaking down that wall.. and if I
completely drained away somewhere, maybe I wouldn’t have to fight
anymore. Then I got mad at myself for thinking like that, even for a
moment, and then after a long time I ran into another wall again.
To all the fans (3),
By the way, today is my birthday. My studio battlefield has been
decorated with roses. Its really beautiful. The color is deeper than
my own blood, and is really exquisite. When we come to filming for TV
etc, I want to display my life as gorgeously, but the plainness of the
recording work continues over and over again. In the past all the
photographers who’ve come to the studio leave after waiting a few
hours. There’s only one person who’s been watching the way I’ve been
recording for all this time. A writer named Kobayashi-san. I wonder
how her book about me is going?…. I sent photos of childhood to her in
Japan. And I don’t know why, but I only had one photo of my father.
He’s meant to be younger than the man I am today, but for some reason
he looks older. Whenever I look at hide’s photos I think the same
thing. I wrote this while continuing with all the recording work, so I
maybe this letter hasn’t turned out very well.. But I just wanted all
of my fans to know how I feel right now.. Even if only just a little.
The me trying to break down the walls, covering the drums in my blood,
and making the world my enemy to make complete the album with the
least compromise, and the me trying to compromise while thinking to
myself ‘If only I was better at living my life’….is sitting here like
this writing and fighting with my words. I’m so sorry. I had planned
to write more positively… but no it doesn’t really matter.. because I
think the end is near. I guess no matter what you do on your birthday,
its one of those days where you just fall deep into thought about a
lot of different things. I’m really glad after all that lived my life
up till now doing music. Thinking about this makes the pain and agony
start to go away.
Tonight its so cold it feels like its about to snow here in LA. It
must be getting really cold in Japan now too. Please take care and
don’t catch a cold.. I hope to see you soon!
YOSHIKI
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